YoU dReam tO liVe and liVe tO fuLLfiLL YouR DreaMs

Life in SOL

2005-07-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

Culture shocked!!! Feels like i'm going back to school. The life in SOL is very different from OCS and Bmt. 5 BX and some ET runs are compulsary, but other than that, it is a very team centric environment where-by we need to conduct lots of group discussion, PBL and case studies. Logistic by nature is very complicated and mastering that would be a challenge to me in the next 5 months.

The condition of the camp itself is very run down.. that building used to be a children hospital during war world II and many people had been killed in that building..... walking alone in the middle of the night give me the chilly feeling and the whole place is eerieeee....

But thinking of the bright side, the bunk we are sleeping in are all air contition, We are using p4 PCs and the food is fantsatic. the food is prepare by the canteen lady, uulike the other units which uses ntuc or sfi. And our camp is the only camp that had thier dinner hall air conditioned. what good life man..

The pace there as of now is slow and we have got lots of free time to ourselves. people there are nice and as usual, majors and COL is very common over there...

As a regular, pressure is on me now... our instructors are paying particular attention to us and we are expected to do exceptionally well. my aim is to be in the top 5 but i will not pressure myself too much and will take things in stride. none the less, doing mye best is the bare minimum a standard i will set to myself. And yes!! i will want to pass out as a log O with pride. and a non combatant is not 2nd grade compare to others.

I'm MissING You Guys man!!!

2005-07-08T19:37:00.000+08:00

Haizzz... dunno when we will get to meet again like last time with all the 30 odd plus people. You guys going to JCC and I'm going to SOL... When I was in Burnei, I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if we are together going through the course. How fun it would be when we get into the jungle and how each of us would help one another out during outfield and admin stuffs...

Sort of regret abit for going to SOL...(why didn't I sign later???)

How time flies... we have been together for 7 months and some together for 4 months. Together we done all sort of things, bad or good, deceiving our instructors, covering up each other asses like nobody business. Platoon one had always work very well with one another. Though there are a bit of differences between plt 2 and 3, we are still very contended the way we were and the speed we are progressing. unlike other platoons, our's have no Jeopardizing pose to each and everyone of us. Among ourselves, there is little or no competitive, rather we work as a grp to beat others and improving ourselve. The Bond, cohesiveness and mutual understanding had come to a level whereby no word had to be said to get things done.

Alot had happened to our platoon, more than plt 2 and 3. We had mate that are physically weak and need lots of training before he can catch up with us; we had people going OOC because of health, injuries, and even during missions. I can never forget how tired we were during that night when he fell from a cliff. And despite how shag we were, all of us voluteer ourselves to help out. we took 3 hrs to casevade him out to a safe place... It was a stormy night and the casualty was real, we had to be extremely careful not to shake the strecther as it might affect the neck causing the factured to worsen.. Yao qing and me took out our parang and start chopping the trees and branches and grass so as to open a passage to the main road. We fail at the first attempt as there is a wall 2.5 meters high that we had to climp before reaching the highway.. luckily we found another route not far from there... he who stucked in the middle of a cliff had his SBO, field pack,uniform and pant cut into half before we can move him off. while we were opening a path way, the others were making steps by digging so that the casacvade party can move. we were all very worried that he might become paralysed when he was been sent off by the ambulance... none the less, as what our wing commander told us on site, that such shit happen but mission still must carry out. It makes me realised that to lose one man is one too much to lose. we were dishearten but all of us held out and we continue the mission...

2005-07-08T15:50:00.000+08:00

My Platoon 1, always be with you.

Time to gear up

2005-07-07T16:08:00.000+08:00

After a so call 31 days of outfield in overseas, I can only say that my body has weaken to a level that it might be hard to recover on time. IPPT will most likely be in the next 2 weeks and I want my 200 bucks. I really need yo train up in the next 4 days before going back to camp...

Burnei to me is not very tough. Most of the journey was like a stroll in the park for me as the trails are clearly lay out for us and there are not much of obstacles obstructing our direction of movement. The only siong part is Mt Biang. The sloop is very steep and the mountain is very treacherous...

Though my gp is the last few to complete the navigation, I'm kindda of proud of them. We had no conflict or what so ever unhappiness in one another. Gp instructor is very encouraging and unlike the one in 15 who always scold his gp... (he role is only as a safety officer, not to guild the gp... he is gaypo...) the only problem is that my gp is moving too slowly and their physical is not very strong. These bunch of guy are from DFST cohort never do navigation with FBO b/f. I was quite shocked when I heard of that, but these bunch of JCs' kids ( 18-19 yrs old) suprised me with thier sheer determination to complete the course. Not bad at all...

Going to meet up some frens for ktv and tok cock liao...

2005-07-07T15:02:00.000+08:00

I'm tire from walking; the raindrops hit my face.
Out here chasing as uncatchable rabbit.
I can see deep into your eyes,
Like the bubbling water in the depths of a dark sea.
You are calling out to me, to me…
I’m right here.
Where, where should I go…
… To satisfy these desire?
Let’s head home, and then tomorrow,
Will you smile and say,” Everything is all right?”
I call out your name, your name…
I will give you a warm embrace.
Just close your eyes and remember our childhood days.
You make up for the areas that I am lacking,
I’ve forgotten all about the sad times,
So I’m not scared at all.
Now I’ve lied, and I feel remorse…
Somehow, I manage to grow up.
Now I feel ashamed, and I nervously sweat…
But even still, I’ve found a reason to continue the dance.
I scorce my soul, scorch my soul… I’m yelling out to the heavens!
If I just open that door, I’ll be saved.
Let’s head home, and then,
Let’s meet that white rabbit on the dark side of the moon.
Let’s head home, and then tomorrow,
We’ll be laughing in our bare feet.
You’re calling out to me, to me…
I’ll give you a warm embrace.
Just close your eyes and remember our childhood days.
I tire from walking; the raindrops hit my face.
Out here chasing an uncatchable rabbit.
I can see deep into your eyes,
Like the bubbling water in the depth of a dark sea.
I call out to your name, your name…
I’m right here.
Now if I can just tell this to my heart, my heart,
These desires will be satisfied.

2005-07-06T17:00:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on educationEducation is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

burnei here i come.

2005-06-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

In just another hour time, I will be making my way to Changi Airport Terminal two and left for Burnei at 2359. Kindda dunno what to write. There are just too much feelings for all sort of categories in me right now. This whole week had been a bemusement week and for a long time in my life in the army I had not had this kind of sentiment.

Now I do not have the time to sort it out. But I will when I come back from Burnei during my rest day. Am going to build up my Physical after I'm back. The ROC had make my combat endurance 200% stronger but at the same time a 50% dropped in my physical...

Well, I guess I will have to stop now before I'm late. Still haven't do packing..(I'm the last min type of person..) kekeke! Will continue again if I have the time later on.

Shocked!!!

2005-06-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

The Army sent me home

Send me back to do packing

Packed to prepare to fly off

Fly off to Bunei

This SUNDAY!!!!

I have just came back from Taiwan for less then 4 days and now they are sending me off to Bunei for another 10 days!!! Suck it up...

Not only that... I had been inform that I am no longer under command in OCS Charlie... I now belong to SOL... What happened today had really shocked me too much...

2005-06-21T09:31:00.000+08:00

Bad news... SMU had rejected my application for a position in their uni. I had actually more or less anticipated that when I hadn'e received their call sometime back then.
Good news... I fianlly have a female nephew. Her name is Hui Ting. Hasn't seen her in person yet but had seen photos of her through MMS.

I aM BaCK!!! Back to reality kk.

2005-06-19T17:13:00.000+08:00

Yet another chapter marking a new part of my life. Yes, finally it had came to an end of my ROC overseas training. This is really one training period that i will never ever forget. A lot had happened during this EX STARLIGHT; good or bad, it doesn't really matter that much. I had experienced the power of the nature and mother earth and inclined weather. It is so different from singapore with difficulty level 10:3 in comparison.
suspposing to be a summer turn out to be a 3 in 1 coffee mix. Thunderstorm, Chilly gushing wind and baking sun is what i encountered everyday in Taiwan. My boot was without a day being dry. Mountains over mountains, ranging from 300 to 600 meters in heights, I manage to conquer it by foot. steep sloops that are almost vertical i climb, ravine that are 70 to 80 degree down sloop I slide and nearly fall to death, wet muddy down sloop and hill that not even using all my limps can climb to or going back track... all kinds of bees, snakes, spider, centipide and big thony plants are the commodities to the mountains... nonetheless, we had to overcome them... Thumb up!!!

20 days just passed away in a blink of an eye. part of me just don't feel like going back... This ROC is a very very meaningfull trip for me because it is the last ex that I will be perforimng with my platoon mate.. I will be going to SOL very soon... everything that i had done in roc is all the last infantry thing i will everbe doing again...

Taipei is really a happening city. Thier fashion, way of life, service standard, innovation are way above to ours'. their pub n club is evening more happening man!!! it's totally the same as what we saw in white chicks the movie. their gals to guys ratio is 6:1 and the gals there sure know how to dance, way better than singaporeans.

Our R&R are 4 days; 1 in gao siong and 3 days in taipei and two nights' off in kenting town and heng chun town. It was all too like..... 'divine nirvana.'

flying off in 1 hr time.... whoessss

2005-05-31T13:25:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, in another hr time, I will be in a plane flying off to Taiwan for my Ex starlight. I haven't been blogging for quite sometime due to the breakdown of my com... It's really a very low incident that it had happen especially when i'm going off to ROC.... well then, as there is a shortage of time, I will be signing off now.. tata and see you guys on the 19th. bye!!

going back to camp le....

2005-05-15T15:01:00.000+08:00

haizzz.. there goes my weekend without doing anything much... didn't even go out with anyone.... and why I can't seems to save up for my education... where in the hell did i spend my money to???

finally back from field camp..

2005-05-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

What a field camp it is...
1 st day ex zebra II> day delibrate attack. The sun was scrouching hot and many from my wing fell out due to giddiness, nausea, dehydration, heat exhaustion... we walk a total distance of 8 km non stop in from 10 am to about 3 -4 pm... we walk in the open where the sun baked us "chao da" and we bashed into the thickly vegetation where the hill is damn high... attack our enemies and started our defence of the objective
Day 2 Ex Dump In> set up defence and started another round of digging and setting up of defence obstacles... in the night we transit into an night attack mission which last for 9 hrs...
Day 3> ended our ex night wolf (night delibrate attack) at about 6 am and went to sleep until 8.30 am... wake up and carry on with digging MG trench and additional shell scrape...
Day 4> Ex resilient.. 5 SIR attack us... a Full Battlelion 2nd year opts ready attack us, the officers. we are only a company.... It was damn fun man.. The 5 SIR to us is not really good at all... not tatical... bad strategies and soldier crafts are poor...
Day 5> supposingly to attack on 5 SIR but was cancelled...

going to taiwan soon~~

2005-05-14T14:43:00.000+08:00

Finally going to taiwan to "training" liao... Of which all these infantry training does not concern me at all. Yet I'm looking forward to it man.. yes i LIKE OUTFIELD!!! Heard that the weather there will be extremely hot and water there is quite different from here... will be flying off earlier on the 30 th instead of flying with the rest on the 31 st because that flight can't accomodate that much people... hopo I will not be doing any shit work when I arrived there earlier which most likely I will... damn it.. 22 days of taiwan... 4 days orientation... 6 days navigation, 5 days of contineous mission and 4 days r and r... 1 day to reach there and one day to return.. AND ONE day of shit work...
Have express interest to my APC about completing my infantry course here before moving off to logistic.. but that from happening is very slim and I had not been performing well recently due to some unknown factors... really really hope that I can stay here...

yet another filed camp....

2005-05-08T10:38:00.000+08:00

Haizzz.... going for a 5 days field camp tml and heard that this is a field camp which we will be walking like hell... The instructors had told us that at the end of the fifth day, most likely we will have to walk 23 km back to camp... and our area of operation is 1/3 the size of Singapore... what the ___.

long long time ago~~~

2005-05-02T11:14:00.000+08:00

During the Block Leave....
Finally a long good rest, considering what kind of ordeals I had gone through. My trip to M'sia Genting and KL.. an eye opener for me as this is the third time out of S'pore. yupee... Realised that their shopping malls on average is about 4 to 5 times the size of S'pore's shopping malls.. They have a lots of varieties more than what you can see here.. Things are cheaper in a certain ways, life are more complex and complicated. It's a mordern yet with an aroma of the 80s...
It was a shopping trip though I didn't buy much... but I have much fun interacting with my platoon mates going to the artillery...
God damn it... lost 100 bucks to the casino up in Genting. Shit man... Thought I will have the beginner's luck as an advantage... haizzz... look what happen to a gready man....
But anyway, it's a good experience to be in there. It also make me realised why s'pore govt want to open casinos here finally... it all abt $$$ and econnomics benefits one can reap from it. During my 2 hrs in there, I have seen many people losing 2k or more in less than 5 mins... that's how bad the "lan du gui" are squandering their $$$$ away. Why not give me their money where I can make a better use of it?? hahaha

Block Leave~`~```

2005-04-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

Much have happened in the past two weeks... and one thing I can be sure of, it was sure a hell of a two weeks... (totally drained, physically and mentally) "Lethargistically" as I could be after all the demonic route march, Cursed navigation ground, the JAck and the Bean stalk pole that shoots high up in the sky and all the onrous activities by foot, lastly not forgeting the super duper scorching fire ball that nearly turned me into a cropse....

2.5 weeks left to logistic pro-term..

2005-04-03T04:19:00.000+08:00

hmmm... recently felt really low profile and motivation is at its minimum level for me.. I guess the reason is that i will be going to sch of log to continue my officership that i'm feeling sad that i will have to leave charlie wing in two and a half weeks time... I am already missing all of what happen in ocs and i will be missing all my current platoon mates and instructors... recently felt reallt awkard to my instructors... dunno the reason also... hmm.... i think my mentally is greatly being affected that the fact tat i will be leaving soon.. though i know that i lack of motivation and feeling legthagic and many many of the nagative things you can think of.... but i just can't overcome it... the power of the sub conciouse is too much for my concious to overcome.
and to me that is the worst case ever... you know it yet you can't change it.... you have the choice yet you don't want to choose and chose to avoid and accept the current situation. you have the power yet you do not want to use them to change for the better... you know there are problems arising yet you make no effort to rectify them.... got what i mean?

going to filed camp again..... and that's my last field camp with charlie wing...

2005-04-03T04:09:00.000+08:00

Well.. recently seldom hadd the luxury to book out early to do other stuffs... just book out during the night and am going to book in in less than 24 hrs.. really very sad ah... somemore nest week will be a very busy week for me as we will be having platoon live firing on monday and POI field camp fromm TUE all the way to SAT.. so as you see, I will be out of singapore for one week and jungle will be my home, soil and grass will be mt bed, mosquitos will be my companions and flies will be my favourite singers around...

back from field camp``

2005-03-25T16:00:00.000+08:00

Finally SPADE is over and never will be another one again. I just manage to pass the test in time and would be able to skip SPADE 2 in the up-coming week..
This is yet another one of the shaggest field ex that I ever had. Morale was ultimate low and my site was filled with rocks and bricks... it rain on the 2nd day and we were not allow to change... our boots were soaked, clothes were muddy and wet and smelly. Files were always flying around us with that irritating buzzing noise, mosquitos was on arlet 27/7 and was constantly looking for a chance to suck your blood... pathetic as we already are, just bugger were really inconsiderate thata they sleep when they are not supposed to do so; the result?? we got atleast 5-8 turn out every day/night. Our digging was a hell good enough, the turn out reallt push it to the max. That was the conclusion as a platoon... as for my part, it was worse...
I was assigned a site which I at first thought an 'ideal' site, opening is good, near the entrance, generally flat groud, easy assible... But I am WRONG... the moment I got the chunko and go for my initial strike, I saw sparks.. god damn dog luck... my place is full of granite and brick... it took me a good 48 hrs to complete the digging, I didn't sleep for exact 96 hrs, vision was blur to the extend that I keep seeing stars and image was fade and unfocus... got abrasion on my arms, chest and butt... most people completed the digging within 14-24 hrs... during the second night, people were allow to sleep... as the night come... the sound of digging become softer, intervals of strike longer and less aggressive. The light emmiting from the candles from the various trenches dim as the time crept into the darkest moment... in the end?? I was the only one still digging.. ( those who already competed were on 50:50 arlet, which mean one is awake on stand to and one is resting or doing admin stuffs) instructor went in at 2 am and saw me digging... went in at 3.30 and saw me digging, went in again at 5 am and I was still digging...

2005-03-19T11:42:00.000+08:00

wtf... just got an ipod but realise that my opt sys cannot support... arghhh... fuck! When i connects the ipod to the USB, the itune cannot detect the ipod... I also dunno what happen la... fuck the world... fuck my life!! why so suay... why so unhappy...
PC also cock up.. always very unstable especially the internet connection... CCB.....

spade is coming....

2005-03-19T10:37:00.000+08:00

what a fuck up home i have....
just reach home yesterday night and a fight started between my family although I didn't get involved as I was too tired to do anything else....
It was always my father that started it.. always spurting nonsense that is hurting, brainless and untruth... god damn it...

2005-03-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

Can't think of any title to put for today blog... Just came back from camp and a lot had happened during the past weeks...
Firstly, on the day of my b dae, my instructors had sent me a card after light out... I had always doubt myself and think that I had not do a job during my CPC/CPS appointment. But then when I read the card, my APC, LTA Dyson, Sect Instructor, LTA David, had actually complimented that I had done well. I really felt a sense of purpose in OCS and that my effort had not gone to waste...
I had been slacking down ever since I had step down as a CPS, but I had make a promise to myself not to slack anymore after reading the card.. can only tell you one thing; it's damn motivating having the card, it's better than any other presents in the world currently have...
Today went for the demolition live firing. It's freaking shoik ah.. the impact, shock wave, flame, vibration, heat, blast, sound... it's all too fantastic, beyond any word in the world can describe... though I did not have the chance to fire off the 'hot item' like banglore topredo, claymore and all those side charges, landflame and etc... but getting yo see it is more than enough. It is hell of a life time eperience... the demolition SIR, WO Tan said that out of the 3 years in OCS, he had only seen 1 cadet scoring 100 for practical. Our CHARLIE wing had 11 cadets scoring 100!! During this 3 years, all the live firing will end earliest 1230 with a ave strength of 80-90 pax. Our CHARLIE wing complete the live firing at 1110 with a strength of 130. He said that we are the best wing he had seen so far.. hahha. I'm god damn proud to be in charlie to have so many competitive buddies all around. We are people with qualities and charisma, though we tend to be lack of self descipline...
It's been like a roller coaster ride for this term so far... first week were like very low, then slightly higher during the second week, and now for the third week were like super high morale, especially after receiving the card..,
My SOC timing also boast from 1014 to 1012 to 1144 to 0912... really really very surprising to see that i can score a 0912 timing with full load.. my target for the up coming test next week will be 8 min flat where-by we will be running will empty load, excluding those standard items like water bottle rifle and etc... I hope to get a personal best like what i had did for my IPPT 16 pull ups, 52 sit ups, 234 SBJ, 9.9 shuttle run and 912 for 2.4 km... before i move on the logistic sch to continue my officership, I hope i can bring a real good memory from charlie wing, that i can said i'm proud to be in, and that i can tell my new frends in logistic that LOG O is not physically weak people... I'm going to tell them that LOG O can be as fit as infantry, if not better... I'm going to train my men next time not only ln logistic, but also physically. we will fight for the army 50 km run championship.
speaking of that, Charlie win the race 2nd whose nearly catch up with the special force NDU.. we were just 2 mins plus lagging behind... 3 cheers to OCS C and H cohort. We are the 2nd best in the whole of Defence force, SAF. well if weren't that we had too many things to learn and had no time for training physically, we would had beaten the NDU. NDU basically had lesser thing to learn and as their man are already operationally ready guys and had plenty of time to train physically... so dun see them as the unreachable load... they are not that great after all...
After so many weeks in OCS, I had beginning to realise my weaknesses... One of the more serious one that i tend to cock up for some impt test because ibadly wanted to score well. I will definitly mess up one part of the test.. on the other hand, if i'm relaxe and composed, i will score very well... well i had got to find ways to counter this problem... time set to myself is before i move on to logistic sch...

Service term 2...

2005-02-26T17:50:00.000+08:00

This is really not a very nice term start for me...
firstly, my moral is very low somehow or another. Maybe because I had been CPC and CPS for the whole of ST 1, and then I had to step down suddenly without accomplishing some of the aims and goals I had set for my platoon. Though I had more free time now, I don't really like the feeling. Though I am able to spend more time with my platoon, I am getting a clearer picture of what kind of cadets I am mixing with. Some of them are really fucked up and simply not here to be train as an Officer. Rather, I felt that they are here to compare themselves to others... Some of the SISPEC guy really despise us, the BMT cross over, their mindset here is that they are here to prove that they are better than the 1st batch cross over.. this is OCS and they keeo saying "with pride, we lead", "with pride, we lead", "with pride, we lead" and this goes on and on... This has really irritated me, if they really like SISPEC so much, then just scram OFF back to where you belong!!!
Most of them had been here for at least one month, back there's still no platoon intregrity... I personally felt that the real solid one are those BMT cross over, they are the motivated, serious and descipline load of people. On the other had, those from SISPEC are ill descipline and simply bo chap for what they are doing.. though they brought up the morale of the platoon and bring in more fun, I felt that they are here to have fun and not learning the true essence of officership... they may be better in terms of physical, but the fact that they already had a wrong mindset and thinks that better in physical means better than the premiunm batch...
What I can said is they are here to compare between the bmt cross over and the SISPEC cross over; to prove that they are better than us... but they will never over take us unless they change their mindset...

sianzz... booking in again..

2005-02-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

After such a long holidays, I really don't feel like goin g back to camp... Next week is a week full of physical activities.. two IPPT, ET run, Circuit... and blar blar blar... the worst is that I'm leg strain is getting more serious... I could even feel the pain when I'm walking.. let alone running.
Hang on there!!! hang on there!!! Hang on there!!! You can do it one!!! at least go through this week and make it to ST 2. If not then everything will be wasted.. My vito factor is on this week and I can't afford to fail... Minimun a silver standard and 25 pts...

leg pain

2005-02-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

WTF... my leg suddenly felt very pain.... I think my inuries are back again... The shin areas are now having acute pain and a bit of numbness... wonder will I be able go through the IPPT trail and final test??
Well I guess I had to start to do something about myself. I'm getting weaker by the day and I'm starting to feel that I'm detorioating...
Well I'm very tired already and It's time for me to sleep... hope the mosquitoes will not come and disturb me and let me had a good n night sleep... but before that I will have to complete my journal so that I will not have to bring it back to home and do it..the Book is freaking heavy and I have more things to bring over here the on sunday. so I'm keeping my bag tml as light as possible...
suddenly realised that my typing is getting better and better by the day.. though I did sledom type now due to my busy schedule in srmy.. stange enough I manage to type faster than I last did.. mayabe it's the key board that is making me to type faster. I can just ratter ratter and ratter till tml is I want to but I guess I just have to stop now and carry on with my Journal writing.. so folks, a very happy new year to all of you and this year be a fruitful on, a wealthy and healthy year for all the poeple in the world.

Social night is coming~~~

2005-02-11T16:33:00.000+08:00

OMG.. Social night is coming and I still have not find a date... 7 extras is chasing me real fast now if I still can't manage to find one date..
I would like to use blog as an media to inform all of my female frens who are interested to go
Venue: hard rock cafe
Time: 18 feb 2005 6.30 pm
Dress code: formal (a presentable dress will do) (no mini this or mini that)
guys will be in shirt and pant
Price: it will be settle by me

Summary of the night event:
this is a event organised by OCS and I'm part of the committee members. It is an event whereby people socialise and get to know each other better and making new frens. It is an event where by there will be lots of fun and games and socailising happening the whole night. The food will be buffet style and there will be free flow of soft drinks.
All in all, we are there to have fun and enjoy ourselves, rest assure that there will not be any army regimentation on that night.
anyone interested pls msg me. ( but I might not be able to spend too much time with you during the event as I am the committee member.)

blogging in the OCS project room..

2005-02-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

Yeah.....:( I'm now in the wing line project room doing nothing all the while but had spent the whole morning and afternoon doing my SBO, Field pack, uniform and Polishing my boots and doing at least 5 indeptness for my platoon mates ad they do not want to make an extra trip down here to do it.. what a trouble for me as I had to climb up all the way to level 3 and get the key from the CDO and log in...
The time here is now 1607 and in about 16 more hrs I will be getting my freedom again.. planning to go look for my 21st b dae gift.. Guys ( an I-pod will do man, not very expensive right? hahaha or a digi cam with at least 4 mega pix) hehehe I know you guys will be able to get me either one right?? hahaha opps.. too gready!
Come to think of it, actually it doesn't feel that bad to be here. The reasons being I'm free to do what I want and there os practically nothing much for me to do as an CDS except to rise flag and staff parade.. that's all man.. I can go to the gift shop, play computer, blog, msn and all sort of thing here since there is no higher authority bothering us.. ahhahahha is army life going to be like that from today onwards, then I dun mind staying here for good man !!!! whohahhahahaha
I am slacking down man.. didn't manage to keep up with my fitness rigime... partly because of my leg strain but most importantly is due to laziness.. my metalbolism rate is getting lower and lower... just a few more bite of rice will get me an extra inch on my tummy the following day.. die liao die liao la....
Ippt test is coming up next week, wonder will i be able to perform up to standard??
A list of goals that I have to make:
- pull ups reach 20
-sit ups reach 60
Shuttle run below 10 secs
-SBJ above 260
-2.4 km run below 9 mins
-Reduce 2 inches off my tummy

booking in.....

2005-02-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

Time now is 1248 am and in abt 4 hours time I will be leaving for the camp to do my CDS duty... kan si lan sianzzz ah... hope that there will be nothing much for me to do... then I will be able to complete my assignments and touch up on my SBO, field pack and uniform.. morning will do uniform and sbo field pack and boots, afternoon will be doing my presentations and cpc and personal journal..night time will be studying for the tests coming up next week.
If all go well, then I will be able to enjoy my sat and sun... if not, then i will have to bring thme home to do again... hope that this will not happen.

Just went back from sembawang... very tired liao.. time to sleep.. if i had the time then i will write again tml.. if not, then i will do it on the sat.. good bye and good luck to my assignments!!!:)

2005-02-10T11:23:00.000+08:00

Woke up by my bro's HP at 0615... there after I can't get to sleep anymore... watch Naruto anime and it's freaking exicting sia.. too bad have to wait for the next epi... watch too fast too furious 2 thereafter and am now doing nithing... I want to go out and have FUN... i haven't had my fun yet... somemore tml has to go back to serve punishment liao.... sobzz....

Since I had nothing to do anyway, I might as well account some of the event that had taken place during my section field camp. Here it goes;

As our instructors had all went to tekong in the early morning, we had save oueselves for another brainless fieldpack inspection.. hahaha god bless man.. But I did not expected is coming up, i realised that I had to carry 3 weapon namely the SAR, SAW and the paint ball air rifle... freaking heavy and clumpsy when I tried to load up the bus and embarking the fastcraft... reached tekong at about 3 pm and we were into file formation and missions started.. crossing danger areas, contact by enemy, ambushing and Arti run.... It was sure a whole lot of hell man.. I nearly could not take it...
Section movement for the next two days.. lucky my section had a very good instruction that replace the original one.. cos he had a life saver's course to attend. The name of the very good instructor is LTA Ang, he is only 2 years older than us and he is a guards. He is one such person that can really communicate with the cadets. I think it is mainlt because of the close age gp between him and us. He is also a very patient man. When we do not know something or when we make mistakes, he is always teaching and correcting us as a mentor.. unlike other instructors who uses scolding and punishment, which I think will greatly reduce the morale of a soldier, L.O( learning organisation) is sometime a good way to teach a leader. I agree that some form of coersive is neccesary for the discipline of the wing. I believe in a 60 LO and 40 Coersive.
The section movement is very fun and I learn alot. the next two day is navigation and to our suprise, this time round we were able to locate our check pt without much hindrance.. Seems like our NAVI had improved a lot, including me. the other sectiona are sitll struggling with the TOPO.. haha maybe luck is on ourside or something like that... but though we were able to locate our check pts, we are all very very shage... I nearly dropped out as the field pack is extremely heavy. 5 person to carry 2 signal set, I diapo set, 1 small signal set, parangs, and 44 dd size battries. At that pt of time, I can't even talk well, I had to concentrate 120% on walking and walking to the check point and ending pt. For the 1st few check pts, I can still plot and pace and navigate well... but as i am becoming more tired and drained out, I can only follow where my team mates goes.. have to improve my combat endurance and physical fittness if not I will not be able to make it to the next field camp which will be coming soon in abt 3 or 4 weeks time.
Fri came and we are using paint ball rifle as our weapon for the section mocement circuit excersice. It was very exciting and fun, It is also very realistic because I got shot twice on my head and one on my rifle butt. We had to conceal ourselve well and run fast inorder not to get shot. basically we had to follow all the technics and tactics of warfare and movement in order to increase our survivalbility. Only then I realised how easy it is to get killed in a war. For me, I got killed once during attacking and twicw during defending... So may I hope that there will be no more war in the this planet.
Fianlly its the last night of my camp and we are going to navi ourselve back to the tekong ferry terminal to go hm.. It was a tough one, as we were all tired, the only motivation I had is the light that i can see fromthe terminal and the breeze from the sea when we were nearing our destination... we are the 1st detail from gp 1 to reach and the 3rd from the both gp. many many had happened but i couldn't recall as we were too tired to think..

ang bao reduced by 60%

2005-02-09T18:42:00.000+08:00

Just got the news from my mother that we will not be visiting the relatives this year... which mean that my ang bao will be greatly reduce... so sianzz... it's not the money that i'm greatly concern about, rather it is the meaning behind receiving an hong bao from your elder and the excitment from that particular moment.
One of such feeling came about when my PC gave me an ang bao... my heart is fill with joy and happiness.. everybody is very high and we had lots of fun together.. I also make a joke out of myself during that event by marching very wrieldly back to my position. The guys really laugh their lungs out!
Think I am used to the busy life. I'm feeling very restless now as I had nothing to do.. maybe it will be good to get some of my friends out for a movie or something.. but I wonder will they be free later cos today is the 1st lunar day whereby they will be at their grandmum place celebrating CNY. As for me, I am back to this com mainly because I had return from grandmum place and am now doing nothing.. I had set a rule never to do and work on the 1st day of the CNY. So I will be leaving the work till tml or fri. Just enjoy myself and have fun... Think I worried too much and I had been bottle ling myself too much with unsolved troubles and problems... Quite stress up now actually.. I feel like splitting up my self into 5 peices, than I can multitask at the same time. Part of me want to do A, but the other me want to do B, and another part of me is worried about something else, yet there's anonther that sub conciously tell me to be careful and restricting my self to do...
It's really confusing and my head is spinning now... I just want to relaxe and get free of everything. Just turn me back into a kid, or a teenage student with no worries of such importance that can compare to mine currently...

Shopping list!~~~

2005-02-09T13:23:00.000+08:00

My bro had told me to save up for the sake of our better quality life.

$600-$700 for CPU
A 17" LCD
A digi camera
A MP3 Player
New wardrobe

My Shopping list for the next few months

Contact lense
Shade
2 pairs of glasses
A watch
A running shoe
A Sweater
A few sets of rock, R&B and street wear
Hand and Neck accessories
1 to 2 savings insurance plan
Open an account each for education, (investment;bond, fixed, savings and shares)
Get a debit card

The meaning of OCS

2005-02-09T12:39:00.000+08:00

OCS= Only Cadet Suffer
OCS= Only Cock survive
OCS= Officer Can't Save
OCS= Only Charlie Siong (still ok la)
OCS= Officer Cadet School

Anymore to add?? pls send me your comments. tks

CNY loh!!!

2005-02-09T11:15:00.000+08:00

yea!!!! gong xi gong xi, gong xi gong xi, gong xi xi fa cai la!!! sheng ti jian kang, wan si ru yi ah!!! hhahahh!!!!! finally got to book out after two weeks of confinement, 8 days in jungle and mud. need a break from that kinda of place men.
Had been given the appointment of CPC during the 1st day of the section field camp and its been two weeks I had been holding this appointment. IT's kinda of stress and the workload is god dame heavy.. somemore i very suay... there had been a newly cross over batch... which mean more admin stuffs, more standardisation and more of lots of thing i had to tell and teach them... really hate it sometime... also got 2 extras for handing assignment late... fuck!!!! the army is so inflexible... the event goes: i was told to write a report on the paintball rifle and send to my sir on mon 8 am... I book in on monday afternoon with the hard copy in hand, but he said he only wants soft copy and only sent to the intranet ms mail... but i told him no time to do on sat.. he said he will extend to tue8am... then onthe monday when i book in, i found out that we are super busy and i even do have a sec to do my own stuffs... only have 1-2 mins to bath... i tried to find him and call him to inform him that i do not have the time to type it in to softcopy... but he was not around the whole day...
tuesday came... and it was again very busy and not until 7 pm that i had the time to submit the report with the other 2 CPC... we thought everytihng is fine and next day came..
he called out to us for a meeting and then we realised that somthing had gone wrong liao... and 2 EXTRAS were on their way to US!!!! CB....
as the time goes by... I realised that i am begining to like this position... i had learn a lot from holding this position that are life time values and knowing the resposibilties of holding high power.. I still have much to learn.. but the best thing i think i can get out of this post is that i hope that i will be able to lead my platoon to a higher level in terms of morale, disipline, standard, knowlegde, area cleaning gilak gilak and a stronger bond between us and the respect we held of each other.. I will be contented if i were able to achieve all the above i have mention.. though i had accomplish some above.. there are still rooms for improvement.. if only i will be given more time as a CPC.. i will make sure that all this will happen.. but i think I will be cahnging appiontment next week to a CPS. no choice but to leave it to the next cpc loh... hope he will do a good job, better than me and bring the platoon to a higher level no one had ever reach.
have alot of things to do duirng thes long holiday:

Iron all the 6 sets of uniform
Repack the field bag
Redo the SBO taping
Modification of the SBO(which mean more heavier)
Polish 2 pairs of boots
20 minutes of presentation
leadership test
signal VP test
IPPT test
CPC report
Social night preparation

Relaxing.````

2005-02-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

It's really nice to be relaxing at home during a long holiday with soothing music and tanquil evnironment. The cooling breeze from the fan and the ray of the sun shining into my room creates an ambiance that had sub-conciously creating a serene state of mind.
Today is truly a day that I have forgotten about my undone and up-stacking workload. An unquestionably quality life I am having now. To be in a world of my own idling and wondering all sort of epithet and thoughts which had been a long time since I have last done it.
Time really flies and its been about 9 weeks I had posted to OCS. Another 33 weeks and I will be commission as an officer, full of pride and honor, to excel in everything, I will lead and overcome any obstacles. 9 more weeks in jungle warfare and the last 23 weeks will be in school of logistic for the LOG O conversion course.
My resolution for this Chinese New Year:

To be a respectable commission officer
To be more confident
To learn more about command, control and communication
To foster a good relations with all my new and old friends, Army buddies and long lost friends.
To be truly a excellent leader, leading with pride, honor and integrity. A leader where by men will respect and follow unconditionally. A leader whereby fellow leaders will also respect and seek him as a role model.
To nourish and groom my men in all aspect leading towards excellency.

That may seems difficult to accomplish, but with perserverance, committment and the burning dertermnation and passion to improve, nothing will be impossible and the result I get at the end will not be fruitle even I did not meet the resolutions.. Need some break now...

where did my $$$ go??

2005-01-22T14:53:00.000+08:00

wah.... suddenly my money dunno go where liao.... also nv buy anyhitng yet for my cny, yet my bank acct shows otherwise... all i did was buy some protecction for my leg and some neccessities, and i spent abt 300 on it... arghhh.....
thoes stupid kneel guards, insoles, ice pack, and special mecdicine for foot rot that is damn expensive...

out field....

2005-01-22T02:22:00.000+08:00

haizzz....going for a 5 days out field on tues to sat( section field camp). somemore have guard duty to do tml... and i had so much to do yet not done... suppose i'm a gone case for sure...
The only thing i am hoping for is that my leg injuries will recover soon and get well as it used to be. I hope that there will be no more of that acute pain in my left kneel and runner's kneel for the right. I also pray hard that my shin will heal fast enough so that i can walk normally again. lastly is that my lower back ( which is that main cause for my shin injuries) will strenghten up and heal.
really got to take care of myself and hope that nothing bad happen.
"there is always another time for training, but there is only one you"
"an injury free soldier is the fittest soldier"
"pride is for that moment, health is forever"
and many many of these phrases I had heard from people saying it which i think it's quite true.

2005-01-15T23:38:00.000+08:00

Wahhahahah.... once again its so long since I had blog again. Think I really do not that amount of energy level to do all the things i wanted to do. Things like blog and reading have been leaving me further and further away.. the week end seems so short and the time ticks like lightning,
This is my fifth week in OCS and I'm getting to know my platoon mates better. Ture colour is coming to surface slowly and you will know who are really the genuine bunch of people.
shan't talk abt what kind of activities and life i had inside the there, but rather I will speak of somethning that are not related to the army instead.
When people are in the school, they speaks only of sch work, when people are in the army, they speaks only the army life. I personally think that having this kind of mindset is very equivilant to limiting our mind and the knowlege we can gain from other issues..(do you guys got any hint of whay am i talking abt???) my power of language had worsen dratically since I had enter the SAF. Dun really know how to explain my thoughts clearly now in words and verbally...
Similar to the last blog, I am now at KAi siang place using his PC to blog now.. booo.....man u won 1-0 to liver... damn it.... but lucky i did't bet on this match, if not i will be giving another 30 bucks away to the singapore pools.
Have got bloody loads of matter to finish however time is never on my side to help me. Personal stuffs, a throughly reflection of what i had been doing and what i should be and improve on and the god damn matters given to me by my instructors. guess i will have to find time during the chinese new year holiday to once and for all settle all these.
tml had to wake up at abt 7am so that i will not waste my sunday like what i did the last few weeks ago.
people always said that you will lost a lot of your frens when you are inthe army, especailly those in ocs and busy vocation. this is precisely beccause you will have no time to do catching up with your frens and as time goes by, you will got lost touch with them... This is exactly happening to me right now and i'm really hating it. For the Sake of the nation, I will have to forgo my frens and personal interests... maybe this is the opportunity cost of all NSF and this is a cost which they don't want to let-go...
have been wasting my time again...didn't go according to the plan today at all.. instead i slack at my desktop thte wholeafternoon till evening and then went to see doctor in the night... there goes my day again... tml will have to study early and do all those thing that have to be done and then go out to buy my leather shoe and blet in the afternoon.
havn't been seeing daniel for a long time already... can ask him to go out tml with me to . maybe i can ask along jun wei and wei bin( then can return him the money i owed him)
now there is something that i'm really fumed and fustrated. THAT is I have to DO guard DUTY on the 23th this month... and it's on the hari raya haji week... that mean my long week end is burnt and i have to book in on the 22nd.... fu**ing shit... that's not the worst thing. 3 of my frens are celebrating their b dae on that week between 21-23.. gini's on the 22, ivy's on 22-23, wendy's on 22. arghhh.....!!!!!! i can't attend any of their party.. god mother fucker to the duty@!!!!
i thought i can have a catch up with my old good frens and meet some new frens along the way... guess ir's all 'pao tang"

1st official book out

2005-01-01T04:55:00.000+08:00

fianlly i'm out after 3 weeks of confinement in OCS. what can i say aboutt the life in there? hmm.. all i can sais now is that i'm full of injuries all over my lower limb parts. ocs is not a place to have fun at all as they strongly emphasise on punishment. everytime they will said 'huh.. you all will sign extra if you all do this, you all will sign extra if you all commit these things.. blar blar blar.... you name it, they have it. all we can do now is to be extra carful in everything we do and avoids doing stuffs that we are unsure of that will result in causing ourselves in danger...
i'm really tired after 3 turn outs in 2 days. total sleep for the two days are approximately 3-5 hrs. it was the siongest fieldcamp i have had so far, especially the last mission. our section consists of 8 members with 4 of them having injuries,including me. and we have to carry a 90kg men and run 4 km back to wiing line.... really really REALLY super shag. I nearlt fall when my platoon mate pad on my shoulder to congrats me of completing the mission... there's alot that i would like to share.. but now i'm really god dame tired to do anythng else..
its 5.30 am in the morning and i at sherwin's place using his com. just went back from the new year count down. have state my new resolutions for the year 2005 and i will try my best to fulfill them. will listy them out tml here if there's time. well i guess that's a;ll for now cos i had clean fogotten what i wanted to write... when my memory is back. then i will fill in with details.. nite...

The end and beggining of everything```~```~~~

2004-12-13T01:08:00.000+08:00

This will be my last blog for at least 21 days ahead... coz from tomorrow onwards...hmm or rather in abt 5 more hours, I will be going to Jurong for my officer course. Another confinement of 21 days....duh...
Dunno what to write actually... since it is my last few hours of freemdom and block leave. Lots of my frens said that it is hell in there compare to Tekong. Well guess I will have to be mentally prepare for the worse and tekaning from the instuctors with horns over their heads. Doubling from one area to another.. and alot which I had yet to encounter but will get a taste of it soon..
guess what I will have to imporve on is my physical fittness from strength to endurance to stamina to mentally concentration will be the vital area that I will have to focus on. Qualities like leadership, interpersonal and intrapersonal skills will also have to touch on them. I have to be more vocal and work doublely hard from tml onwards as competition inside will be very tough and high.
What I'm feeling now is like what I was feeling the night before I got enlisted to bmtc... sort of sad and blue.. a bit sianz.. but at the same time, I am lookign forward to tml as it is my new phrase of life in the army. I will put in my utmost efforts in whatever I do in there and continue to work hard and improve myself. Hmm.. hope that my platoon will be a good platoon and good peers and platoon mates. hope my buddy is a good one and not the "wayang" type of people... I'm also pinning that the instructors will be nice to us...
I will try my best to make friends inside and build a good relationship will my peers, superiors and everybody in there. hmm.. dunno what to write liao.. so guess I will stop now..(...tot i forgotten to said something that i wanted to said.... but i guess nvm ba... if i ever rem, then i will write it tml morning at abt 430 am to write agian...lolx..) kk that all folks for now.. will be back on christmas eve if I'm ever lucky to be back by then.. if not i will be back on the new year week.. haiz... tht will be sad man.... kkk la.. good nites and bless all who read to have a fruitful year ahead and luck be with you in everything you do. tattazz!!!! (^-^zzzZZZ)

Packing Day~~

2004-12-12T01:57:00.000+08:00

Was supposed to meet up with Louis and Chuan Yong to celebrate Mr Tan B'dae and daniel and Jun Wei for a show. But then was not feeling too well today and there are simply too much stuffs in my head to think and do. Am feeling fustrating and vexed for the whole day, and all thoese unfinish chores are adding more fuel to ignite the volcano within. What do I went through;

Clear and tidy the corridor
valcuum the house
Clean the fans
Clear the mess in the rooms
Reorganise and throw away unwanted stuffs
Went to take Passport size photos
Forcefully do gardening order by my father
Re-tied my SBO webbings and helmet
pack for all the Army stuffs to bring into OCS
Had a smalll arguement with my bro
Hear my mom nagged and asking abt the same old thng for the past 5 days..(Is it really that important to keep asking??)
And lastly I'm still not done yet.. have to wait till tml to continue packing...
Plus not feeling well.

After dinner, I felt surge of feeling empowering me; they are selfish and unconcerned; I am selfish and unconcerned...

Why are they keep asking about my contract and job and pay?? as if i'm earning tonnes of thousand like that... Feel that sooner or later they will be squeezing me out of my small amt of pay... they never ask me why I want to work, for what reason... didn't they realised that I was trying to save up fo education??? (that was for my part)

My mother then said something abt my sister. She told me that if my bro or sis are in any trouble, be it monetery or non-monetery, I should help them with all i can and not stand back and watch them get into deeper trouble. She had been giving allowances to this home for ten years. She had never once make a sound. Instead, she give willingly and sparingly w/o complaining at all. I believes that she too had scacrefies her goals and dreams for this house. Well.. come to think of it, I think the selfish one is me. I only care about myself and my goals... I had forgot abt there is still them which needs my care and concern: my family. Now that the situation is not very well inmy family. guess it's time I help out. I have to get the piority right. so individual goals and dreams will have to be put behind family.

And after the talk, I made a promise to myself that I will always help them with all i can...

haizzz.. my bro using the com liao.. so I cannot write anymore... tat all then. nitez~~~

Posting out!

2004-12-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

Yah!! today finally got to see my real posting on the net. Everybodys' moving on to a new pharse of their NSF life. Some being posted to air force senior tech, MP, RP, Medics, combat medic, automobile tech, cleck, sispec, signal, ocs, racce, infantry unit, rifle man and many many more... path crosses and drifts apart... As for me, I had been posted to OCS to be train as an officer. FOr the 1st five months i will be still chong shaun like the infantry. the next five or four months will be transfer to the School of Logistic to study logistic mgt, supply chain mgt, infocomm system and resource mgt. hmm.. sounds like business right?? hahah. but i bet all that i will be studying will be subject to ARMY stuffs and not the real mgt that a business student should study.
A lot of thing still waiting for me to do

buy army stuffs to prepare for the monday book in
4 passport photo
redo helmet
connect the SBO
pack bag
iron clothes
and many many more that i feel annoying to list them out la..

hmm... although my finacial inthe future will increase, but so has my burdens... my sis is no unemployed and pregneant for 3 months. this mean that she will not be able to contribute to house hold income.. my bro always broke althogh he is getting a K monthly. and now that heng heng i sign on... i will have to contribute a larger pie for house hold... all my plans will be postphone... saving for education will have to start later... i'm getting 350 now and my bro 1000... but sometime i still have to pay for the internet bill becos my bro no money... as if my 350 is equivilent to his 1000. he needs to spend i dun need la...??? I find it so funny.. but nvm la.. singapore is just a society that talks abt $$$ and nothing else btu $$$... just my fate to be in this state now... bills, bills, fees, allowance.... haizzz... i'm sick of it for years since my working life at sec two.... god damn the whole world for being unfair to me, unfair to others and fair to others when they dun deserves it. people always said that "you put in thes much, you gain back this much."" work hard and rewards will be yours. " "you get what you deserves for that amt of efforts you put in." and many many phrases like this with the similar meaning. BUT come to think abt it, i think its not really true at all. true enough, this may be ture to some of you and me. but i have seen many many other people putting in every bit of their efforts and hard work only to exchanged one line "work in vain'.. wtf right?? some poeple no need to put in effort also can get what they want. some need to put in alot of hard work before they got what they wanted. some just try and try but in vain..

why are the 1st gp of people so heng one??? they no need to fight for anything but the goodies always goes to them. is it fated on the day they are born that they are meant to be suscessful in their life w/o strugger???

and the third gp of people where by they are fated to be a failure or mediecore the moment they are born??? no matter how hard they try.. they will never get the results that will be equivilanr to that of the easy life bastrad fromthe gp 1..

the world is just plain too unfair and baised.. wonder why the creator want to made this world so unfair...??

I think that everybody should be given an equal chance from scratch and everybodys' life should be fair. this is becos i think that that's the reason for the birth of every new babies. if every body is not going to have an equal chance, then why inthe 1st place creates new life?? it will be so pointless like what is happening now. new borns with their fate written in them. new borns with uneual treatment andhad been seperated from the 3 gp of peple that i had mentioned the momoen they see their 1st ray of light.

what a shitty world it can be...

toO long Man...

2004-12-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

wah.... just realised that it's been so long since my last visit. Well.. really feel lazy to type recently. Time is so important to me that I have other commitments to fulfill. heheheh, so i'mleft with little resoure to blog man. LOLX.
Well, finally POP le, feel so relaxed and happy that I am back to a normal civilian for one week. Actually I have thought of what to write yesterday one. but then my short-term memory is getting bad to worse. When I logged in just now, I forgot what I wanted to write and I just ratter some rubbish which I had been typing all along for the past two minutes.
Really missed school life since I had entered army. But then just realised that I'm not qualified for any of the three local Uni in here... hmm feels quite fustrated for not doing well during my poly years... think my chance of experiencing a full time uni school life with the robust and muti-variaties happenings will be slim... the most I can do is to apply for a pivate uni which is not a place i wanted to be in. (heheh, maybe i can sneaks into the uni and pretend to be one of their students and then socialise over there huh??..hahah)
Private uni is so dull... no life, totally lack the experience of sch life. no CCA, no time break in between lesson and then the whole gp can go have a bites or something like that... went to the book shop rencently and happen to came across this book that reads" things often do not happen as you expect it to be" well, i think this statement is quite true.. the more we want something to happen, the more diffenent the outcome.. maybe the problems lies with us?? or are we going the wrong way in hoping for the desired outcome. wrong formula=wrong answer. maybe most of us are using the wrong formula, only that we are not aware of it consciously or sub-consciously. well, how i envy those getting into the local uni... hmm, but no point being envious of them. life still goes on and problems keep coming. maybe I have lost something in life, but looking onthe bright side, i may gain something else in exchange for the lost...
life in BMT finally came to an end. really enjoy my life during my stay over there. I have learn a lot of things in there that my instructors had taught me. these values will be values that will accompany me life time. bmt had made me a stronger person, physically and most importantly, a great deal to the mental and soul. There is one person that i must thank, and that is my section commander, sgt Albert Teo. I thank him for his altruistic attitude for grooming me and recognising my efforts. I thank him for his "ti bah" or "ti dian" me to my PC and the whole platoon. I thank him for his care and concern towards me and showing patient when I made mistakes. I have no other ways to thank him but to continue to work hard and make him proud that he had one such great recruit. All in all, everything in BMTC was fun and exciting to me, especially fieldcamp, sit test, range and ET run. Platoon mates are a bunch of great buddies to me except for some la... we are always having fun together, but most of the time is suffering together.(ku zhong zhou le) I'm going to miss all my platoon mates,e specially those closer ones, hope we can meet up more often to chong, go singing session, dinner and play basketball together.
today is the 7th day fo my block leave, have been going out with army frens and poly frens. Also have been pondering a lot abt what i'm going to do in the future... things like career, studies and self-improvement scheme... oh yah.. i had sign on to the army as a logistic officer and i had been granted a place in OCS!!! YEAH!!!! Finally my hard work pay off.. But the recuritment officer said that with my academic results, i can'y apply for any of the SAF award to further my studies.. Now i'm only left with the choice of getting a part-time degree course. but i know that this mean i have to work double hard between work and studies and maintaining my physical fitness. I also have to spend less so that i can afford the sch fee. (oh.. this mean taht i will have no time left to find girlfriend leh... wah.. sian.... going to be single for qutie sometime again.... haizzzz.. that's life la...) you cannot have everything at the same time one... just have to be contended with what we have right now..
my job as a logistic officer is similar to that of a supply chian manager, resoure manger and information system manger. on top of that, i will also have to plan budget, strategizes safety routes to base and etc.. etc... this may be a good exp for me to learn more.(although i'm more interested in mtk and advertsing and fianance) but i'n still fine with logistic. people often dun get to do what they dream to be.( i think i am no exception as well) Hmmm.. dunno why I dun feel that happy when i know that I had been selected for OCS..its has always been my aim to get in there. Now that i has made it, yet i dun feel the satisfaction, the joy or the excitement at all.. I was selected because of hardwork, and attitude, i had never at once skive during my bmt... now that my efforts had been recognised, i do not feel blissful at all....i wonder why??? well, i still have a few more days to think through things before i will have to resume on concentrating my training in ocs. I must do well in there and show that i'm worthly to be a soldier, a commander, a leader and most of all a role model to the rest of the cream in there.
well.. shan't write anymore for the time being. nitex.

FINALLY, I'M BACK!!!!!!!

2004-10-26T12:12:00.000+08:00

Ohhh man!!!! I'm finally offically back home!!! whoesss.... It's a long story... Think I shall start from the week that I book in then...
Well, the story begin... Oh, for everyone information, I'm now in BMTC sch 2 ORION Platoon 2 Sect 3 Bed 2.
Hmmm.... ORION is a Coy that I think is somewhere in the middle in terms of xiongness and well fare. During the 1st few days, it was god damn shagged and xiong sia. Kana whacked until jialak jialak ah. We were the always the last company to have our meals. While others are eating, we were having our foot drill until all the other companies had finished thier meal. And do you guys know how long are we marching everyday??? we wake up at 0530 and started marching at about 0600 and end at about 0700 before we can eat our meal. This freaky thingy continued for about one week before it came to an end... haizzz... eating time was short, only have about 10 mins to eat. sometimes only 5 mins to eat... but have got used to it by the 3rd day or so.
training was tough and rough and there was a fever virus going around.. needless to said, I was affected by it too. I was bed ridden during my first book out, that's why I didn't have the chance to blog. today is consider my 1st official book-out. God damn it, last week was a whole lot of hell, get to book out, but have to stay at home. have a IPPT test, but got a attend C the day before. then consider as fail, and now i'm in the DELTA force doing extras of everything.
wha.. now very tired and dunno what to write. botak cannot think liao. that's really a true statement lei. hahahah.
hmm.. think i will talk about my platoon ba. basically my platoon sergeant is an ah beng in green uniform driving a civi and smoking everywhere. He is the one who is always whecking us and making us shag. erm.. shall stop for today, very tired liao. tml then continue.. bye.

counting down.... 13 hrs....12hrs...11hrs... ... ...

2004-09-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

Hmm... my feelings right now is neither excited nor sad. I'm basically feeling a bit down, maybe it is due to the cooling weather. This time round the feeling is totally different from last time when I enlist. During that time, I was totally excited and looking forward to it, full of passion and interests. Now, I can't really discribe the feeling. But I'm totally calm and composed, with a neutral mindset.
Hmm... really no idea what to write recently. Have I become dumb and stupid? Can't think of anything to write, go out with friend also seems like kana butterfly and mind block, then in the end have to come out with some lame and uninteresting topic. Wonder what's wrong with me. Can anyone tell me please?
Have double checked my bag and think I have got all the required stuffs. Bag is heavy, and I haven't buy any titbits. Wonder how to stuff them in... Tml I will be alone as my mother has to work. Inside the camp I also alone as no one I know of is going on the same day as me, except Li Jun and Sin Shen. But both are in the morning, so they are of different timing.
Hope that I will have a good buddy and bunk mates, have fun together, suffer together and work hard together. Hope there will be no back stabber or hypocrite. But then again, I don't think that will be possible. How naive I am thinking that the world is full of wonderful people. Well, I just hope that I will not meet such people and these people will not have me as thier prey.
Hope that I will have a very good relationship with all my peers inside. Will work hard and smart and striving a balance between perfroming well and showing off. This is really a sensitive thing inside there as people will think you are trying to wayang when in fact that I am not. IJust want to do my best... You guys know what I mean??? ya, so really have to be careful when handling this matter.
Well I'm feeling tired and am going to enjoy my bed the last time for the next three weeks. Tatazz!!!!! (*.^)

LAST DAY

2004-09-30T02:13:00.000+08:00

I'm left with abt 36 hrs of freedom. It feels like a person is going to lose his eye to save the one he love, and that for a moment he can still see, but with an blink of an eye, the surgery begin and you can't see anymore. Well, does this sounds familar?? haha, Its from a korean MTV call Kiss. Very touching story. Wonder will I be able to do the same as the male lead if I were in his position...
I suddenly feels very tired from swimming against the waves. Waves that comes one after another, exhausting me in a double quick time. Each step seems like lifting a thousand KG load and when I finally lift it and move on to the next, it sinks right to the bottom, just like when we plunk into a 40 inches thick snow. The more I force to advance forward, the faster I'm being wear out. Up till one point in time, I'm even being thrust back by the strong waves and was washed back to the shore of a futher island than I had first started. But this island is full of food and clean drinking water for me to recuperate. I shall keep myself warm and heathy, fit and energetic before I set off again. This time round I will be more well prepare. I will use the woods and branches on the island to build a raft strong enough to endure the wheckings of the merciless storm and the rockings of the deadly waves. I will store food and water so as to nurture myself during the journey... I will roll and roll, till I reach the shore of the other island. Step by step, I will one day reach the place where I wants to be..

FiNal 3 dAys...

2004-09-28T14:26:00.000+08:00

Wheshhhh...... and I'm left with the last three days as a civilian. Sort of happy and am looking forward to my new life as there is nothing left undone at this point of time right now.(not to mention the past) but There is only one more thing that i would like to have complete but know that it is impossible now. Well, then I will have to postphone it and hope that I will do it in the future.
Will have to repack my bag again tonight and double check that everything's alright. Buy some snacks and tibits to prevent starving in the night overthere. Whaha, just received news that my friends will be joining me in Sch 2, finally i'm not alone:) It is not that i'm afraid of lonely or what. But i bet it will be much better if you have frens around right?? haha
It's raining cats and dogs and never had such a heavy pouring for a long time. Such beautful rain... I think heaven is giving this present as a farewell gift as a civi.. gonna to take a nap.. haven't had much sleep these two days..

为什么？？？

2004-09-26T21:09:00.000+08:00

我的妈啊！！！！甚么我越跑越退步?? why like that one???? how can it be???? I cannot accept this fact ah!!!!! where got people train to become weaker one??? Am I the special case??? FUCK!
Isn't this challenge a little bit too much??? Want to give me a reverse result from what i wanted actually??? damn you!! I'LL PROVE YOU WRONG MAN!!! Purposely posted this up here for people to see one....!!!

KS and TTC B DAE!!!

2004-09-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

I always wonder that if sept and oct are two very good months for birth. Or that it is during Dec and Jan that people sex drive are at their highest.. hahaha, So many people having thier B dae within these two months... Pocket gonna to burn a very very big HOLE!!! hehehe, but luckily the army had save me. yeah!!! for once the army is doing some good to me! hahah.
Fri went to celebrate KS b dae, just now went celebrate ttc b dae, tml or mon maybe going to celebrate ks b dae with the buddies. Spent almost 100 on these two events... I very poor lei... dun like that treat me lei... haizz... my money=water...
yesterday supposed to go to .... erm.. cannot remember the name liao... well then we decide to go i think table rice or wat la... then they said closing soon..zzzzz, so inthe end we went to B boss. that was around 9 pm liao.. thanks to the wating and delaying lor... haizzz.. well then order a bake rice... wah seh... the portion damn small.... like for kid one sia... cannot even fill 10% of my stomach.... zzzzzz. But nvm la, it tatse quite good also. so dun mind the small portion and the high high price. hahah!!! thereafter went to buy cake at breatalk. wah... the cake super nice sia.... dun even want to waste it on KS face.. hahahaa lucky he lei.. then went to play pool.. blar blar blar... i too tired to blog.... then went to raymond hosue to slp.... but he disturb me till 7 am... hahah... poor me.... :(
then went home loh.... took a bathe, and off again to meet eve and daniel to buy brian present... blar blar b;ar.............. again too tired to fill in the details (hee hee... got one part really shiok sia.. but pai seh to said in out here la , hahaahha.... waited for a bus for 30 mins, then spent another 30 mins to reach east coast. then BBQ start.... eat eat eat, then help help help help help ehlp help and help and more help to cook the food.. poor eve, daniel and me wor... slaves sai... somemore no pay. hahahhaha but then it was very fun la, together with them.. though i didn't talk much cos very tired lei... but still feels very happy lei.. dunno why.. hehehheh. ijust stay there and bbq for others, just quietly bbqing there with the 3 of us.. hahah such a strang but wonderful feeling.. then blar blar blar..... fianlly decided to go back.. took a cab, pay 6 bucks and now i'm here in front of my computer( of course bath already la....).. well that's all.... 5 more days to ns... whoahahahahahhahahhahaahahahhahaahaheahehaehahehahahhahahahah

Believes =)

2004-09-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

突然觉得我只是一个人有点孤单浅浅的忧郁我不知道明天会不会很美丽虽然今天天很蓝而云很白风很凉今天日记空白没有关系不必每件事情都在意不想工作不想困扰自己不必刻意想你该是我的总会来就算挑战我不走开一点点你的微笑已经让我觉得温暖我还不懂坚持正好让我学会去爱我曾经看见困难变得胆小不够勇敢但还是要相信相信感觉相信简单有一天等我懂得事实也许更会幸福至少现在让我去相信哦我还是会相信相信感觉相信简单

A little update

2004-09-22T15:12:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since the last blog. Do not worry folks, this site is not forgotten yet. Since last Saturday, life had passed like a whirlwind just like turbulent; calm on outside, rough and chaotic on the inside. Maybe all people will experience this when they are about to enlist to the army. It is a phrase that these guys will experience mild depression. Will be entering into a new story after 20 years. Thinking of things that had been done and many more undone in the past. Entering into a new topic without completing the previous ones and afraid that there will not be a good ending in the upcoming one is what lead to the state of depression in the least to the unanimously. For what is left undone, there will be regrets. For those to be done in the future, uncertainties will be the greatest fear. Nevertheless, paths will be choosen and roads to be walk. 30% of it lies in ourself, 30% lies in our abilities, and the other 30% lies in fate. Fate comprised of three factors; The right time, The right people and The right geography. The last 10% will be in the hands of heaven.
One's karma will lead them to what they are today, or so believe by some religions. It is because of what you did in your past life that you becomes who you are today. Much as you may not believe right now, there is really no way to prove it. Only faith can seek the truth. Since there is nothing anymore to change what had been done in our past life, so why not roll up your sleeves and dig in. Do what we can do in our present life. There is only these much we can do....

2004-09-18T01:52:00.000+08:00

Heh heh!! Finally got to eat a real moon cake with yolks. It was heavenly~~~ Hmmmz, what to write lei??? Can't think of anything actually. Maybe I'm not happy, so my sub conscious automactically shut down the brain from seeing the reality. Think I will go to the temple to do some self-thought and to find out what's really went wrong with me. Yup, Guang Ming Shan will be the temple. The secnery is nice, emitting an airness of tranquility. An ideal place to think and calming down. In front of the buddha, linking the body, mind and soul and gaining inner peace and relaxation...
To choose between moon and snow...
To choose between sun and rain...
To choose between star and water...

2004-09-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

Haizz... Once again I didn't fulfill the promise that I set yesterday... And it's another day wasted. I down with cough and running nose again... Like that how to run? Already don't feel like running due to sickness, the rainy day had to make it worse by pouring the whole day. Weather's cool and nice for sleeping. But going for supper with friends later on... Dunno when will I be able to sleep...
Tomorrow going to call Jun Wei to meet in Woodlands Stadium, provided that it don't rain...
Dunno why I'm always down with flu and cough... estimated that every two month I will caught with these viruses. And it will takes me on average one week to recover... But my flu never really recover...
Today super sianzzz ahzzz. Nothing to do, also no mood to do. Just don't feels like doing anything but slacking... but then feeling fustrated when slacking.. become very restless and sianzz...

16 more days~~~

2004-09-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

With a blink of an eye, I'm left with 16 days of freedom. But my physical standard still very weak, particularly in one area, the Standing Broad Jump. I'm still stuck at the 220-225cm range. I must at least jump up to 250cm. Still have a long way to go. Really have to buck up on that liao. mustn't slack anymore in this area. I still have some 15 days to at least improve that little bit of CMs. Running also have to brush up, especially on the track. Really lack the discipline this half a month. TML must wake up at 8am or so by hook or by crook.
I will try my best and put in my utmost efforts in there. Only then I will be able to take things in stride if ever I can't achieve want I wanted. Only then there can be no more any stupid excuses that I will give to myself to comfort me. I have tried my best, so there is nothing to regret about. Success or not to success, I will leave it to my myself to decide, not heaven.
Pisces is a dual sign, which has both an up and a down-side. The two fishes in your astrological sigil swim in either direction. Here is your choice: focus, be strong and overcome the weaknesses in your sensitive nature, or dissolve in vague longings and become the victim of your own vulnerability. I have choosen the first and decide to go against the odds. The astrology also said that I have all the abilities to make it as well as to ruin it. So I'm not going to ruin it this time round, but rather making it a dream come true situation for myself. But if it really meant for me to fail once again, then I only have to try harder next time in my life.

MoNey MakeS ThE wOrld GoeS RoUnD part II

2004-09-12T03:04:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. ok, continuing from where I stopped. Ya... as time went by, I came to realise this one very important thing, and that is money is very important and it can buy almost eveything at that time, or so as i thought... Age 12. I stopped all those bad thing that i did one year ago. Cos I start to realise that money cannot buy friendship. And that my grandmother just passed away and that the family is doing really bad. business fail, mom's sick etc... I start to realise that only money can slove all these problems that were happening then... I swore that day that I will work as soon as possible. PSLE went past, and I was in Bowen sec sch. I was still very concern when money matters. I was always poor but accepted what I am and that I need to do something to change it... I save and save, spending each cent carefully. Using the money to buy my text book for sec 2. Sec 2 came, and i was still poor... holidays arrived and I started my first part time job at macdonald... that really changed my life. finally able to buy the things i want using MY OWN money, and not theirs. Realise how tough it is to earn just a few bucks. Also never blame my parents for not giving me more. Cos i know they are struggling too... with no education, they have to earn every bit by sweat and hardwork... I continue to work and study at the same time... my studies were greatly affected... luckily I have a very good form teacher during sec 3 who gave me new life and arroused my intereste in studies. It was also a time where my perception of money changed... I begin to share and give for what I have. Really happy that time as I was able to support myself, even though it is a hard effort... O level came, I'm doing less part time and concentrating more on studies, knowing that only if I can do well and go to a poly or JC, then life will at least be different. Passed my Os and continue to work. Daniel, my buddy, really changed me alot on this money matter. during that time, I started to feel that money is not that important anymore. It is just some certified paper that I need in order to eat, play and suvive... nothing else... I became more generous with it, as long as we are happy together as a group, money is not really a concern... and this went on till now...
I always think that enough will be sufficient for now. But then now that it is not a simple tool to me anymore... I need to have more than enough for back-up purpose, emegency. Of which all i did in the past but not well done... i also needed it for my lifestyle and my desired lifestlye in the future....
What about now??? i feel that money to me now is sort of important and that I must learn to have a healthy balance sheet. I want to earn big bucks in the future(heheh, my interest may lead me to that wor). But i'm not working for money. rather, i'm working to enjoy the life i want with the money i earn. I believes with the statment that ' I Work to live and enjoy' and not 'I live to work for money' Money to me is superficial but it is also a must have. Overall, my rating for the importance of money is 6 of 10.... well thats it for today.. dunno why i write it also...hahaahh

MoNey MakeS ThE wOrld GoeS RoUnD part I

2004-09-11T18:35:00.000+08:00

Suddenly a lot of people choiing me to chinablack, zouk, dinner, pool and etc... Sobzz sobzz, i now no money to go to such places, especially the 1st two. Really wanted to go one lei... but then haizzz... forget it le ba... :( If only i have the money now, then i will be able to do this and that w/o any worries.
My brother happened to open the TV this afternoon and it was showing 'liu xing hua yuan'. then i just sit there and watch it.(my 1st time watching one full hour of that show) wah.. that dao ming si really rich ah... can do anything he want. go on vacation with his buddies also can book the whole hotel. This drama makes me realised that money and power makes the world go round, but not in an evil way if you choose to be good. In the past, i don't think that money is such a important item in everyones' life. Now i know. People out there mostly care lots about money, mostly for their personal satifaction instead of using it to do something better... well i think its normal to spend more on oneself rather than on others.( afterall the money is thier hard earn cash..)
so what about my views and opinions? When I was a little boy, I used to be very money face as my family were not so well to do. I spent every cents with lots of considerations taking into accounts... my pocket money was 40 cents then... I was very stingy that time and will never help my frens by lending them any money... That was a time that i'm very self-central and couldn't care more abt other people... a few years went passed and I was abt 10 years old then... That was a time when I care most about money( in this case, I'm talking about my point in life where i care about money. I'm not comparing money issuse with others like frenship.) That was a time where i start to theft. Home was my main target. heheh, really back then. and what did i do with the stolen cash??? I went to buy things i fancy, then buy things for my frens, giving them money whether or not they need it and lending money to them which they never return back...
that year went past very fast and I start to realise something.... To be continue...
gg out now again..

~20 more days to go~

2004-09-11T10:58:00.000+08:00

Time really flies. Few weeks ago I was still complaining of the sianzness and boredness to wait. Now it's just 20 more days. By then I will have to adopt to a new lifestyle, habbits, pattern and attitudes. There can no more aguring with the sergeant. You will have ti di what they tell you to... Waking up at 5 am in the morning only to hear a f***, CB, LJ and KNN which is most likely the first word you would hear. Gulping down a bottle of sucky water which taste like contaminated plain water. Then the day will begin... and you will be able to hear the CB and F*** You all day long w/o any guilt from the sergeants. They will just scold them right off to your face with some saliver flying out... and all we can do is basically nothing but to shout"YES SERGEANT!!!"
Everybody will have to cut botak. I guess the reason is that botakness means everyone there will be equal and have to start anew. Nerdy looks and handsome guy will in the end be all the same. In this way, there will be less favourtism and perfromance can be judge from an objective point of view.
20 more days left. My mind is still in a state of confusion. Though not as worse as compare to few days or even weeks ago. What a strange plus a mixture of feelings...my brian tell me to do one thing but my heart say otherwise.. Why can't these two organs combine into one??
Well, will continue to write tonight... going out now...

Finally PES 'A'

2004-09-10T02:34:00.000+08:00

My sixth visits to CMPB and most likely will be the last visit for sometime... Really sucks going there, especially today... reached there early in the morning, 10 am, only to hear from them saying that they had misplaced my file and ask me to wait... really fustrated with them and the cock-up system and adminstrative methods... but one really surprising thing is that the staffs there were very helpful and they try their best to help find my file... That was really something that eased me down, so I continued to wait there paitiently reading lao fu zhi comic, LIME mag and national geographic journal... hmm... and this lasted for abt 3 hrs, 1 pm. Then this lady from another place, maybe a big shot, told me some craps like they can;t pull my information as I'm a defer NS guy and need more time to look into it... what a lame excuse.. but anyway,i nodded my head and then i went for my lucnch as i'm told.
Then half way through my lunch, the medic guy came and told me that my file had been found... wah!!! that was like heaven!! suddenly can go home early.. no need to wait anymore..
thereafter all was in order and they reaffirm my PES to A. hmmzz.... really a tough time getting this PES A man.. must not waste it... OCS here I come!!!~~~
then went to ratmond's place to play games and stuffs...
then go home and blog till now...
gg off liao..

busyness~can~make~ one~forgets~ trouble~ temporarily

2004-09-07T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hmmz... today went to help out Macdonald 25th annivasary at jurong east stadium with yian han... it was kindda fun for me as i am the game master and i get to shout and cheer of which i wanted to do that long ago^^ Hmmm... i also finally got what it taste like to be a event coordinator, a job i may take up in the future. Hmm.. from what i see, to be an event coordinator is really a tedious job. But i think it was kind of fun as there will be games, people, joyful people cheering, shouting.. the atmostphere was hype to the maximum and it felt really good as it was a sign that the event was a success.
It been a long time since i am able to cast my troubles aside and stop thinking about it.. think there will be no answer to the problem... so it was kindda good to put it aside and have fun with the paticipant and our own event crews.. know some new guys today, wei de and eugene and a china guy( forget his name..).
haven't been training for quite a while, 6 days. I sure am going to resume it on the 9th of sept. no time left le... confident getting more and more uncertain... I need someone to guild, teach and push me hard in this area...
oh.. just saw Diana on msn. she wrote 'smile and the world smiles with me.' that's really a very ture statement in general. this is why i always smile, but some people thinks i'm nuts or what... so even if you are unhappy or are having troubles, you should also try to smile more instead of giving a grouchy face. trust me.. it will lighten your heart somehow...

what a day... what a weather...

2004-09-07T12:55:00.000+08:00

Haizzz... It been raining bloodyly these few days... And all my training have to halt because of that!!! It's making my bone ratty, muscles numbness and mentally lazy and unstable... TO HELL WITH THE RAIN!!!
NYP had finally send me the photos that I had order... hmm... look really smart inside(^_^)
Tomorrow going to help Yan han for two days at the stadium.. hmm Hope it is something fun and lively. And definitely hope it will be sunny. Then I can resume my training over there after the event. If not then I will wake up early tomorrow morning to do it before meeting her...
!@#$% no motivation if it is going to rain tomorrow again...

没那种命

2004-09-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

爱情这东西没道理的有人很抢手有人没资格路是人走的我害怕什么大不了别爱了她像个天仙她太美了我那么平凡我开不了口心里面晓得追她的结果幸运的不是我我没那种命呀她没道理爱上我英雄和美人哪是一国的只怪爱人太少了对手太好了劝自己别傻了我没那种命呀轮也不轮到我爱情老是缺货我争什么时间越来越少了越来越老了我剩下一个梦...

lonesome (~o~/)

2004-09-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Even with no lack of company from friends, lonesomeness still-hunt my inner world… wouldn’t it be brilliant if we are able to control our own mood… When we feel despondent we can switch it off and instead be in high spirits. Forlornly ness can then be change to happiness. But I think that wouldn’t be such a good idea too. Life will only be colorful, beautiful and well carved only when there are ups and downs. Just like lathing a wooden ornament, some part got to be smooth, precise while the other part got to be jagged to show the exquisiteness of it.I actually sort of know the reason to why I’m feeling empty and lonely, yet I don’t dare to face it. Maybe time is my enemy, or rather; the enemy is myself, my reflection. I am afraid of something; hitherto I know that if I don’t overcome this fear, this worry, I will then continue to feel the same old way…

tHoUgHtS

2004-09-04T12:36:00.000+08:00

'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' This is the phrase that suited me most now. Even if it's just a few days... Its been one year, nine months and three days since we parted. Have been thinking of you, you are the one who understand me most, be with me when I most needed company, woke me up when I'm late, comfort me when I'm sad, played with me when we are happy, waited everyday for my return, warned me when there is danger, warmed me when the weather's cold... We ate together, watched TV together, slept together; floor or bed you will always be at my side. You are the purest, the truest, there is not a secret you that you are force to hide, your reflection is the exact you...
You are the perfection, while I'm the flaw. I have not well treated you, I took you for granted, I neglected you, I let you down, I never fullfiled my promise made, I showed my temper to you, I think that you were a nuisence, I shouted at you, I... I... I... I... I... I... there are thousands of things that I've done that let you down... But you never give up on me... though you are dissapointed, you still try to cheer me up when I'm down... I have broke you heart yet and again, but you are still standing by... I was too busy to care about you... you stood by me giving me your support and care... When I finally realised my mistake... you... are... gone... leaving for a better place, finding a better someone, looking for a place that will finally make your existence worthwhile...
Me...? Residing at the same place not making a move... 'A burnt child dreads fire'... I dare not make the same mistake... I dare not advance myself... I will never want this experience again... the pain of losing you... the loneliness that only you could cure... ...
But you have taught me this important lesson... that is to cherish the person I love and never be afraid to express my feelings... tomorrow is always uncertain, the person might not be there anymore... the person might be tired of waiting and decide to advance on, leaving me behind...
You have also taught me that I should bring myself up and the courage to do what what my heart feels before it is too late to express it... chance seldom come and regrets is all you have if I act slow or lack the courage to do it.

I once had a gem beside me, but I choose to pick up stone elsewhere...
Now that the stone putrefied, and the once glittering gem now gone...
I am left with nothing but the most regretful memories that stays on...

Never-ever will be so foolish, to let go of another gem...
Gem that I think that is, had once again appear...
Never will I let go, for the sake of dulling stone...
Gem that I will hold on tight, till our fate ends...

In memory of my beloved:

Niki

Brand new home!!

2004-09-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

whuaahua!!! Finally I clean up my rooms and cleared all the rubbish and had my fan washed. Put up a new Twins poster and a clock from Philippines. Hmmm.. really satisfied with the work and efforts I have put in. The fan was damn hard to dismamtle.. It took me 15 mins before I figure it out. (to think that a fan could me for 15 mins of my life...) haha.. now that my rooms are as good as new. everything are in place, well organised and neat... well at least to a guy standard.. heheh

Hmm... just now read Edwin blog for the 1st time. Oh.. have to intro him.. he is one of my buddies and we always hang out together... haha too bad we dun have much cash now.. so limited to a lot of place... long time didn't 'chiong' and drink together liao... wait till I have the money kk?? lolx well back to the topic... just read his blog.. hmm.. he really like his Gf lei.... but the ger dun like him anymore... so sad...have try to cheer him up these few days but to no avail... that ger ah.. really "ke wu".. want to hurt people also also dun give such a critical damage la... dun like edwin liao still want to act like she cares abt him... and all those senseless word of comfort from her will only makes thing worse for Edwin only... This is a first time I see Edwin so sad and down and low... though he didn;t really show it in front of us... Well bro!!! no matter what happen I will still be standing beside you. somemore you my 'shi fu' in relationship matter lei.. but I did not pay any attention to it la.. haahhah psi seh.... aiya.. ( hmm really dunno how to counsel him.. i haven't been into his shoe before....) i myself also really very confusing abt this kind of thing... dunno what i want....

Hmm.. yesterday went to watch movie... the show not very and it was very draggy... heheh.. today ah mond and ah meow and CY they all go watch it... hahaha i also never stop them... hahha they sure complaining now abt that show suxzz... hahah... hmmm i also never go meet them... just got lazy after all the housechores and the run...

Ah SHOSHhhh!!! yes!!! Tml is a brand new day with today a brand new home!!! I shall start a new training program starting tml!!!! All new, and all shall start from beginning again!!! I think it's going to be a good start. I'm positive abt that. my intuition tell me so!! hahah.. very zhun one hor..;p

hmm.. today can't think of or manage to find any quotes to use... but this is to Edwin...

"Gems ( GFs) may be precious, but friendship (your whole gp of buddies) is also priceless!!"

nice song~~

2004-08-30T17:19:00.000+08:00

Whoa… today wake up rather early, 8:45 am as I have an appointment with TTSH. Now really feeling tired and sleepy. Think I’m going to sleep early today as I have to wake up even earlier tomorrow to the soulful place again…

This afternoon a long friend of mine called me. The feeling quiet good, especially for someone I didn’t see for a long time… Feels great to have some really good friends and buddies to be with me. Just realize how important is quality compare to quantity. Social circles are too very important. Going to make more friends with different societies and affiliation groups. Shan’t list them out here…

Hmm… recently like to listen to these three songs; Tears=> Windstruck sound track, Reflection by Christina Aguilera and A moment in life by Kelly Clarkson. They really touch my heart and the songs are just too nice. Has been listening to them at least 30-50 times liaoz… hahah, think I’m mad sia… lately have been listening to the same songs again and again, then after a few days will be sick of it and then switch to other songs if the songs are not really nice…

Got lots of tasks to do these few days… Have to find buffet restaurants to celebrate my friends’ birthday. Have to clear up all the mess I had created in my rooms. They are full of rubbish, dirt, dust, and books and clothes all over the place… Have to update my phone list and do a back up for all my important data in the com… cos got a feeling that the computer is going to crash very soon… The time taken to do all this will at least cost me 10-14 hours… But then it is better than nothing to do at all…

“We spend too much time looking for the person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give”

Sooner the better

2004-08-29T18:18:00.000+08:00

Whoaa..... really a nice blog written by K.S... After reading it I felt like wanting to get into the army right away and have a taste of what it really is. Nothing beats to experiencing it yourself. I am so now mentally prepared and physically am on the way to to Mount Everest!!! hahah kidding la, I will be happy if it can just reach Genting highland. lolz... Too bad I wil have to wait for another 1 more month. Though I'm alone on that day, I will try my best to make more friends inside and support each other when needed.

Hmm... these few days really busy ah... till no time to blog... but will write as long as I can today. Cos I'm going to be busy again the next few days!!! I will begin with the visit to CMPB. That damn M.O. feaking coward... after checking my ear and despite knowing that I have recovered, he still dun want to ungrade me to PES A... but rather, he tell me to pay a visit to TTHS to get a memo from the doctor over there to certified I'm fully recovered and am fit to join the army... what a waste of time... still have to revisit CMPB this coming tuesday...sianzzz ah!!!( that place remind me of my wound that will never be heal.... that gay lo M.O m_ l _s_ me....) sad case... he choose me out of so many candidates that are much better than me...I'm really so lucky and hornour to get this special treatment ah??? Well shan't touch anymore of that... he had left a scar in me.... hahahaah...

Well talking about the concert on Saturday. It was really really a very nice concert. The dancers were great and the dances were stupefying, the singing was so pro that I don't think that Singapore idol can compare. The drama was cheeky and humourous. The Symphony was fantastic with it different combination of instuments that creates mind blowing tunes and melodies that will reach out to your long untouch feelings. The duet of the pianist and saxophonist was full of "mo qi" and was really a splendid performance by them.( wish I was able to perform solo on stage too. of course must have good quality and the materials build for that la hahaha!!) It was visually enticing and auditory touching my heart. The combinations of both had send an unknown effect to the whole part of my body. This has even further urge me to learn more new staffs that i'm really interested in. Things like music, instruments and stage performance. Felt like want to be part of them in the event. the kind of joy, enjoyment and satisfaction is beyond word to describe. Although I'm seating there just as an audience. Inside me i felt like joining them to bring the event to a success and felt like cheering and shouting after each and every performances...but I dun dare to do it cos I'm together with a group of quiet crowd. wish I was with the noisy crowd and know the people over there... The concert was really a big success with very rowdy and long applause that never seems to end. I give it a 5 /5 thumbs. Thanks Evelyn, for inviting me to the concert!!! If not it will be like missing out a opportunity to catch something so good and don't come so often. Seeing those dancers and performers makes me think twice about myself. They really go for what they want and put in 110% effort in what they do. I really regret that I have to do part time jobs during my poly life... If not will might join an CCA of my likes too... Also am regret that I have not made many friends and am not good in maintaining friendships... To me, the concert is not just a concert meant for the audience to enjoy. It also thought and gave me invaluable experience and things in my life...

The Olympic closing ceremony will be held tonight. Really an eye opener for me. So inspiring, motivating. And there are lots of controvesy this time round reagarding dopings, underdogs, and sheer luck to victory but no luck to defeat. Too bad, it was going to end. 14 days are just not enough for me and hope it would be longer. It was glory and pride for the atheletics and brand building and profits for the businessman. Billions of dollars had went into this big event and hundreds of billions of dollars had come back to the sponsors as profits. Hahhaha, hope one day I will also be able to stand on the ground of Olympics as a representitive of my country to fight for medal!!!!

Well, better stop here for now and continue later on... have something inmind to do. better do it now or else might forget later on...
Do you believe that you could create miracle.. :

"What if I told you it was all meant to be? Would you believe me? Would you agree?"

~Returned~

2004-08-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

Its been two days since I pen a blog again. Well that's basically because I have nothing to write in the past two days. Rather boring at home and doing the same routine over and over for dunno how many donkey times... Geeze, I want a change of lifestyle!!!
To my surprise, I have found out that I'm not really into the same old routine that I had been doing all this while. Starting to get more busy next week and this week. Will have a "jia toh" this friday, a concert this Sat, although not confirm yet. Then the following monday to TTHS, Tuesday to CMPB, Wednesday or thursday will be movie!!! So suddenly I'm packed with heavy entertaining sechdule. Whoa!!! sounds great huh?? hahahah:)
But then I will not forget or lag in my training. Will still go to the gym at least 2 times a week and my new sets of training given by my Bro is going to offically commence next Wednesday. Going to be very, very tough. But for the sake of my fitness level, I must endure it for another one month of intensive and torturing and mind draining excercises that even Justin Galtin won't even hold a candle to me!!! (He's nothing man!!! Will break his record one fine day).
Actually today going for supper one, but the gals suddenly back out( maybe they are tired), so the supper was cancel in the end. But I'm still going for supper on my own later on after this, I'm craving for a half-spring chicken.... :D~~
Oh... Thanks to Men's Health(read the section 'how to be more happy'), I'm starting to feel better now. More cheerful, energetic, optimistic and focus!!! Really some good advise inside. FLEX too, really motivating just by looking at the PICs..
Have been raining the whole day, and it sort of affecting my mood... Feels dull and sleepy and demotivating in the afternoon rain. Felt like I wouldn't accomplish anything even if I try hard. But the feelings of night rain is, cool, relaxing, mind stimulating, freedom and sense of happiness in the rain. It was like full of hopes and dreams. heheh, maybe there is a co-relation between a raining night and reading Men's Health??? hahaha, totally rubbish right??
suddenly feels like doing cardio. Not those boring jogging or anything. But feels like some serious sports like basketball, badminton and table tennis. Long time didn't touch them.... cos my frens all go to NS liao... Maybe will go for badminton either this week or the next. Have to see whether is there any slot left over. Haizz.. no more free court le... last time use to play in NYP.. now cannot anymore...
Heheheh!!! shall stop writing anymore nonsense and here I come, MY CHICKEN FEAST!!!

"Friends are like wine: they get better with age"
"Chickens are like drug, hot and crispy makes me drool" ;P~~

~~Is HiStoRy ReALLy UnChanGeAble???

2004-08-22T23:37:00.000+08:00

Geeze.. Singapore lost once again like what we did in Sydney. Really very disappointing today. But I guessed that Korean had used an effecetive strategy against my Idol, Li Jia Wei. She will always be my hero and I hopes to have an achievment of the same level as she had and will be having. This is a year that I spend the most time on Oylmpics, and it is really exciting to watch my country play. Better than watching England playing soccer. Hmm... I guess we will have to wait once again another 4 years to break that crused history of us. Peking 2008, shall be looking forward to it.
Got to wake up early tomorrow for my third medical review. Freaking early, have to wake up at 0630 and reach there by 0815. Hmm... think I'm really not cut out play game, suffered a crushing defeat by Jun Wei, but luckily won a match of checker against Edwin. (hahah)
Maybe I not well thought and am not a good thinker. But I guess I wil have to slowly learn how to think far and think wise. With sound judgement and accuracy, I will have to anticipate every possible moves and where will it lead to in the end. Unknown factors have also to be taken into account under my calculations.
awghhh... really sleepy now... guess I will stop this for today and have a good night sleep. Today's topic will be related to friendship...

"A friend is someone who is concerned with everything you do. A friend is someone who is concerned with everything you think."

~Singapore Dream's Dashed (~_~;)

2004-08-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

Just finished bathing... Really refreshing after a tiring and dissapointing day. Li Jia Wei loses her composure towards the end of the game 5 where she should had won it. She had a splendid victory over the korean in game 4 with 11-0. Haizz.. but nevertheless, unexpected always happen and all the people in the gym watching it were upset and angry. As the say goes "the ball is round and no one will know who will emerge as the winner until the very end". I had place so much hope in her when I first saw her performance in this year Athens. (Damn that korean and her arrogant coach!!!!) Why must they shatter our Singapore dream??? How was she able to climb back after such a drastic defeat to Jia Wei in the frist 4 game??? All I can hope now is that she will grab the Bronze medal as a consolation and bring Singapore some glory after a long waited 40 over years. I hereby wishing her all the best of luck and beat her opponent flat.(she's another damn korean)

"心很小的時候，世界就變得很小，
小的看不起一片美麗的樹葉。
心很亂的時候，路就變得很多，
我們都是這樣走失的....."

MorE tHan enoUGH

2004-08-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. think I have more than enough sleep from these two days, especially yesterday. Now that I will even feel uncomfortable lying on the bed. Full of energy, think I will have to release them by going for a swim and a tough workout at the gym. Have recovered 50-60% since the last gym session.
Looking forward to seeing my best buddies, they are booking-out today. Time for coffee and TCS again. A good way to relaxe too! Have to call Chen Xin to return back my spirited away VCD, if he is free, then will ask him for a coffee session too, its been a long time since I last met him.
Well, I think its time I sleep less. Although not having much to do, time seems not to be sufficient and each day just pass by with a blink of eyes. There are much to accomplish, improving my physical, language, knowledges and foster and maintaining better relationship with old and new make friends. Should learn to be more pro-active and initiative towards life. Chances will not come to you unless you create a chance for them to come.
Starting to feel restless again even though I'm trying to concentrate on this blog. Hope that this high level of energy will last till and be enough to carry out my dreams. The things to do now is to prepare myself for the challenges in the future in pursuit for my dream. I will have to be self-confident and believes in myself. Things might get tough, but I'm sure that I can overcome these hurdles and mentally prepare for the unexpected. This time round I'm all out for it and will be the offensive player rather than a defensive one... To put in my best efforts and all of my existance knowledge, there is no room for failure this time round though there might be set-back during the process.
Last of all, am really blessful to have a bunch of friends who encourage and believes in me. Without them, my drive and motivation would long be gone and even I still have them, these alone will not bring you far. One must be able to convert these energies into desire and burning passion in order to last till the end.

"A friend is someone who supports you all the time. A friend is someone who does not compete with you"

RaInIng DaY~~

2004-08-20T20:15:00.000+08:00

Raining day brings back memories; beautiful, sad, happy, unpleasant, joyous and many others crosses my mind as I travel through the memory lane. As I was recollecting my thoughts, I think that this time round I have really gotten over that feeling and realised that it was all my wishful thinking in the past. But nevertheless, it was a good learnig experience for me because that incident had given me a better idea for what I should expect and look for in the future. Things could get really tough if you try to force. Just like putting two magnet of the same field together, they repel.
Has been wondering about this dream thing. Does ones' dream project their ture-self, personalities and character? Really hated myself in the dreams...
Life is so capricious, one minute you said this, the next minute you said that. It seems like I had been too dependent on others, I had lost my old self of being independent. But nonetheless, family and friends are the pillar for most of us, without them, we wouldn't had made it this far...

"Friend is someone who is genuinely happy for you when things goes well and taking care of you when things turn bad"

CoLD MeTaL

2004-08-19T17:56:00.000+08:00

Damn it!!! This is my third unsuccessful attempts to pen this blog... arghh...
Well, to continue what I was saying, think I'm really fickle minded and the things I do is always a flash in the pan. Especially in matters of relationship. Really hate this feeling and my heart feels like infuriating and burning away.
Well, today's really a very tiring day for me. Stayed up at Raymond's place the night before and then have to bring my dad to hospital for theraphy and thereafter meeting Jun Wei to a gym session. Starting to feel the effect of the workout and it is really motivating to have a friend to accompany you than to do it alone.
Well, speaking of the movie A VS P, it was really not a very nice show to watch at all. As mention in their tag line, "whoever wins, we lose" is really a very suitable tag line for those who had watched it.
Hmm.. recently have learn to control my temper better. I really flare-up really fast in the past due to my ear infection. The worst thing is that I cannot touch water and do excersise... I felt like a bird in a cage and was always losing myself over the slightest matter. But thanks heaven, I have a good bunch of buddies who we brave through storms and waves together. Friends who has given me supports and accompanying me when I was feeling bored. Ok, here's my golden word for today...

"Control yourself: Remember that 'anger' is only one letter short of 'danger'."

wednesday is wasteday

2004-08-18T19:49:00.000+08:00

Today is a wasteful day for me, slept the whole day because of the effect from the mecdicine I had taken. Going to watch movie with friend now, Alien VS Predator, looks like a lame show. But well, I do like lame show and show that are not so normal... haha.
Hmm.. going to buck up!!! Tomorrow i'm going to wake up early and go for a running and thereafter Will visit the gym to improve my power and strength. (Kambatae!!!)

Haizzz.. like mentioned in the litle, I had wasted a precious day but i have learn a few lesson from the anime I had watched. True strength doesn't come if you only fight for yourself. You will only be truely strong if you have an important person that you wish to protect. True enough, one will have their own goals and dreams that are very important to them, but on the contrast, those people that are important to you are as significant as those goals of your's. Sometimes people can forgo their dreams for his/her important person... well, its is hard to comprehen and I'm still trying to figure out the what it really means in the above paragraph that I have wrote...

"Unity is strength, individualistic is weakness, back stabber is coward"

Sun and Cloud

2004-08-17T11:59:00.000+08:00

Today seems to be a brighter day compared to the day before. My mind is clearer and my heart is lighter. Thanks to Raymond for his advise to me:) I have been able to stop myself from wondering too far away. Short term goals are very important in any long term goals you have set for yourself, so I will just have to focus deeply on my short term goals and to advance one step at a time. Although I have yet find out the true meaning of my life and where my intereste lies and what should I persue, I hope that the short and long terms goals will lead me to the correct path in the future...

Well, today wil be a cheerful day, the sun is shining bright as the cloud gave way, birds chirping and looking for food in my kitchen instead of worms in the field. Going to slove a bug in my computer for my brother and thereafter to the gym for some workout. Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses and thereafter try to correct your weaknesses is by no mean an easy path for most of us. But never give up on admending your shortcomings and constantly upgrading and improving oneself. Be it on the aspect of one inner self such as Physical, Health, Knowledge, Spiriture, Mind, Body or the outer self such as love, relationships, interpersonal skills and qualities that you want to improve on so as you will be respected, well-liked, trusted and will be a figure that others will look up for if they encounter any problem and difficulties in life... Well there are actually more to what I have written here but I guess I'll leave some space for imagination for myself to think of what i really want to be. Below is another phrase that I will be sharing with you...

"Failure is not the end, but is the beginning of a stronger you moving towards your goals"

"Failure is not a defeat or losing, but rather, it is a process to victory and to win a beautiful match"

LOst wITh TiMe

2004-08-16T15:14:00.000+08:00

This is the first time I'm penning my thoughts on the net cause I'm feeling really bored and confusing right now. Hope that I will feel better after pouring out what had been bothering me these past few days...

It’s been a long time since I have had this feeling coming over me again. The feeling of over-powered by emotions causing lost of concentration and focus capability. As the days go by, I felt that my confidence level has been declining over this matter and that I won't be able to make it that far... Think I'm too stressful over this matter. But there are reasons to why I MUST make it to _ _ _, not just for myself, but also for my family and the promise and vow that I had made. Think I'm not trying hard enough... the below phrase is for me and for those who thinks they can't succeed in life...

"Success Comes in Cans. Failure Comes in Can'ts."